Heroes' Conversation
by ArgentNoelle
Summary: In which various literary characters converse, and try to one-up each other.


Heroes' Conversation

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In which various literary characters converse, and try to one-up each other.

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"I flew once," Arthur Dent said. There was a momentary lull in the conversation.

"Really?" said the one man. "What's it like?" He wasn't sure he believed the traveler, even if he _had_ appeared in a distinctly suspicious manner with all sorts of even stranger people.

"Amazing," he said, at last, feeling the inadequacy of words to truly express what it felt.

"Well," said the other man, "I saw a house once." Seeing the others' questioning stares, he explained. "It was huge, you see, and it changed. Right in the middle of town. And no one could see it but me."

"That just means you're crazy," said another sagely.

"I don't know about that," said the quiet man in the corner. They turned to look, while he went on, his bright green eyes—they couldn't have been natural, that's how green they were—glinting. "My godfather's house was invisible."

"Invisible? Seems a bit … er … well, how would you find it, if it was invisible, anyway?"

"It didn't _stay_ invisible," the dark-haired man said, with some asperity.

"They never do," the young women commented. "But _I've_ flown, too, you know—you need fairy dust."

"No, you have to not think about it," Arthur said.

They began to argue.

"I disbanded a dangerous criminal organization masquerading as a school," another man said, leaning over his drink.

"That's all? I killed a mass-murderer trying to take over the world."

"I killed lots of people," the other man said. "It's not… not … a nice feeling."

No one argued with him. He looked like he was telling the truth.

"Well, hopefully they were suitably evil?" someone finally asked, timidly.

"Yes," the man said with a sigh, leaning back. "They were quite clever too. They all tried to kill me."

"I was kidnapped once," the slight man in the other corner said. "I escaped though."

"Of course you did, you're here, aren't you?" said another man next to him jollily, trying to slap him on the back but missing. The slight man gave him a dark glare.

"Well, I found out my father wasn't who I thought he was," someone else put in.

"Who was he?"

"A god."

They all digested that information.

"That's better than me, I found out my father was the evil villain I was trying to kill."

"That's harsh," someone commented.

"Well, _I_ traveled with my father for months without knowing who he was until he was already dead," someone in a cloak said. "And I had a half brother I never knew about."

"I had a _sister_ I never knew about," retorted the man with the sandy hair, the one who had said his father was an evil villain.

"I fought armies," said the man in the cloak.

"So did I," said the man with the sandy hair.

"I was a criminal mastermind, before I reformed."

All attention shifted to the dangerous looking individual at the edge of the table.

"You don't look young enough to be a mastermind," someone said.

The man raised an eyebrow. "I was the most feared in the world. I did it while I was in my teens."

They stared at his mismatched eyes and his business suit. Well, the suit was convincing, at least. Masterminds liked those.

"Wow."

"I am, of course, a genius."

"And very modest, too," someone muttered.

Someone laughed.

"I was a king," someone said.

"I was a knight."

"A magician."

"A detective."

"I could make things come out of books by reading them."

"I was the Heir to the Universe."

There was a long silence. The man who'd said he'd seen a house shrugged. "I was."

"I had a prophecy written about me,"

"So did I!"

"Me too,"

"I was a secret agent."

"Ah, so that explains it."

"I fought vampires. Sometimes. And other things."

"Really?"

"Yes," the girl in black said. "_And_ I was part a prophecy. It wasn't a nice one, either."

They all thought about the troubles of Prophecy.

"They are tricky things, aren't they? Do more harm than good."

They all murmured their assent or disagreement.

After awhile, someone stood up. "I'd better be going," he said.

"Me too."

They began to leave the tavern.

Soon it was empty, except for one lone figure, sitting behind the bar. You might have thought it was human, if you didn't notice the wings.

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End file.
